Use Wisdom when Avoiding a Sin & Marriage Dilema
Question:
My friend is in a difficult situation. She was married to a man who had medical problems which impaired him from having intimate relations. In the 10 years that she was married, she had about 2 intimate encounters with her husband. Due to this she committed a sin and was with another man. She divorced him (with the advice of local imams) because she wanted children and a regular married life.
She then meets a man at her office who converts to Islam with her help. They want to get married but he is already married (to a non Muslim). He wants to get a divorce but his wife is giving him trouble (they do not live with each other or have kids). My friend wants to do nikaah with him so she will not fall into the same sin as before. She really wants to do what is right Islamically. The man is also ready to get married Islamically to her.
Her mom is very much against this union since he is not Pakistani (she can’t get over that he is “white”) and that he is already married legally in the courts. Her mom said she will curse her (the daughter) if she marries him. Sometimes mothers have a bad habit of cursing their children. They don’t even realize how horrible this can be. Her mom suggests that she waits until the man is legally divorced before proceeding to do anything. The problem is that my friend does not think this relationship will stay platonic. She does not want to sin but does not want the curse of her mother. The imams are all giving her different advice. She has talked to her mom but mom will not budge.
She is thinking about doing nikaah secretly so she will not sin and her mother will not be angry. The problem is that if someone in the community sees her holding hands or the like, she will be labeled horrible things.
What advice can you give her?
Answer:
The first and foremost thing that needs to be done is that this other person must first accept Islam truly and genuinely, for marriage of a Muslim woman to a non-Muslim man is unlawful and invalid. Hence, he should be educated and informed about the basic beliefs of Islam and its injunctions. Thus, if he accepts Islam truly, things can be taken further.
The sister should be careful in this regard, in that she should determine whether he has genuinely accepted Islam, for at times people accept Islam only in order to marry and really don’t have faith. Having said that, she should avoid unnecessary doubts and suspicions, thus accept his word at face value, but with caution.
After the brother has accepted Islam, the ruling is that if a married man converts, and he is married to a true Christian or a Jewish woman (from the people of the book), their marriage would stand, for Muslims are permitted to marry women from the people of the book.
If however, he was married to a woman who is not marriageable for a Muslim man (e.g. she were a polytheist, atheist, fire worshipper, Hindu, etc.), in non-Muslim countries she would be given a period (of three menstrual cycles) to convert. If she does, her marriage will stand; otherwise they would be legally separated at the end of the grace period. (See: al-Lubab fi Sharh al-Kitab, 2/159 & Radd al-Muhtar, 2/389)
In light of the above, if his current wife is a believing Christian or Jew (and not only by name, like many people in the West), his marriage would stand even after he accepts Islam. He would have to divorce her Islamically if he wishes to part from her. However, it is not necessary for him to divorce her in order to marry the sister; for a man can have up to four wives at one time in his marriage.
However, if his current wife does not believe in Christianity or Judaism, he will have to wait for her grace period to be over, which is three menstrual cycles, for the marriage to end. But again, this does prevent him marrying the sister.
Thus, after he accepts Islam, it will be permitted for the sister to marry him, whether his current non-Muslim wife is divorced or otherwise.
However, the important aspect here is that, the sister in concern needs the approval of her guardian (wali) in order to marry, for marriage in secret may not be valid without his permission and approval. (Search the archives on www.sunnipath.com for more details on this)
Thus, she should explain to her parents in a gentle and polite manner her desire to marry him. Seek the mediation of other family members and friends. You state that her mother wants the man’s legal divorce to be finalized before she marries him, but she can explain to her mother that, Islamically she can marry him even before this, although it may be better if his divorce is finalized. I pray to Allah Most High to make matters easy for all of us, Ameen.
And Allah knows best
[Mufti] Muhammad ibn Adam
Darul Iftaa
Leicester , UK